What does it mean to stay in the feminine energy as a woman when dating?

To stay in the feminine is to first make sure you are not initiating a relationship with a man, and especially a man with whom you are interested in pursuing a long-term committed relationship. If a man is interested in having a relationship with you, nothing and no one will stop him from getting to know you, and making you his girl. The masculine will move heaven and earth to make sure you know that he is interested.

To stay in the feminine is to check your energy and make sure you are not the one pursuing the relationship. Today's women work in both the masculine and feminine energies, especially when they "bring home the bacon”. As a woman, when you are bringing home the bacon, and frying it up in a pan, many times women often drop out the part of the jingle that says "and never let him forget he's a man." This is where a woman needs to transition into her feminine, and allow the man to be the man in the relationship. If not, your relationship becomes doomed!

One way to check if you have moved out of the feminine is to check to see if you are pursuing him. Are you calling and texting the majority of the time? Are you the one always leaving messages without giving the guy time to think about you, miss you, or call you? Have you taken over his role, and you are now acting like the MAN in the relationship? My experience is that many modern career women become very aggressive, leaving no time for a man to miss you, and pursue the relationship in his own time. If a man is interested, he will do the work. You only need to be amazingly irresistible and wonderfully feminine. As Dr. Pat Allen posits in Getting To I Do, masculine men love femininity!

To stay in the feminine means to allow the guy to contribute to you, without you doing more for him than he is doing for you, or “trumping” him. Trumping someone means to outdo them. For example, he buys you dinner, and you reciprocate by paying for a weekend getaway to Las Vegas. Do not spend more money on him than he can afford to spend on you, especially while you are in the courtship phase of the relationship. Do not drive if he wants to pick you up (once you are at that stage of the relationship). Allow him to pay the check and even the tip in the beginning of the relationship. After you are in a declared long-term committed monogamous relationship you can begin to offer to pay for some of the meals, or leave the tip. Do not pull out your credit card because you have a concern about your worth. Work on your worth and let him put his money into you. Let him open the door for you, all doors, and simply say, thank you, in a tender and appreciative expression. Allison Armstrong, founder of Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women, refers to this as being “voluntarily vulnerable”. It is your ability to choose to be vulnerable when you know you can perform the same task yourself without the help of a man. It is allowing men to contribute to you.

Additionally, watch to see what he can afford and decide if he is the man for you. If he takes you to TGI Friday’s, that is his budget. Do not say, "Let's meet at the Montage Hotel for drinks, and "it’s on me!" You will trump him and he will not pursue a relationship with you as the masculine. He might pursue a relationship with you as a narcissist, but not the masculine. The relationship will be reduced to a recreational one, but not a long-term commitment. Men have an idea about whether they can afford you or not. Trust them! They know what they are doing. If a man wants you to pick him up, pay for lunch, or have you text and call him, then, more than likely, he wants to be the feminine or he is a narcissist in the relationship. In any case, he is not a match for you, especially if you are choosing to be the feminine in your relationship.

Staying in the feminine is about being aware of the energy you are putting out at all times, and staying true to your desire to be cherished and treated as the feminine in the relationship. The feminine receives, allows, and is cherished. The masculine gives, provides, and is respected. Both are important energies in a relationship. Choose which one you prefer and honor it! It does not work in relationships for you to be both the feminine and the masculine. You are being a narcissist.

Also, I recommend that you do not enter a budding relationship with the primary mode of communication being texting, especially if you are interested in having a long-term committed relationship with a particular man. In today's dating world, texting without direct connection gets men and women, who are afraid of commitment, off the hook. If they can get their mental and emotional needs met through a quick text then there is no real need to risk being vulnerable and reaching out to connect with you face-to-face or over the phone. I have coached many women, and my observation is that you will regret it in the end when the relationship is reduced to text messages.

Finally, this coaching applies to the world of dating and initial mating. I would have different coaching for a married couple that already has a system of relating in place. Couples move in and out of the masculine and feminine in undeclared negotiated ways. Different scenario...